The Living~Dying Duet: My Dying Danced First, Then My Living

Dying was Dancing Solo, Then Living Began Dancing Solo

My life has become a Living~Dying Duet. It's much different than before I got the diagnosis of Early-Stage Dementia two and a half years ago. The diagnosis was not graspable -- there is no connection between me and dementia. Dementia is for other people, dementia is ghastly, dementia brings people to a horrible zombie-like condition, and then they die. This was the turmoil of my world after the diagnosis, consumed by the horrors of dementia which is in essence a long process of dying. Following the diagnosis dying was dancing solo, it was the only dancer and it took my complete attention.

With time a feeling began to grow in me. I felt that yes I'm dying, and at the same time that yes I'm living. I wasn't living in the same way I had been before, but I was living. This changed where my life was at -- dying had been dancing solo, and now living was also dancing solo. Slowly my living became more present and took a place together with the turmoil of the diagnosis and the darkness of dying. Dying and living weren't connected but they were now both present, both dancing.