The Living~Dying Duet: Creating My Tombstone
The Incredible Impact That Creating My Tombstone Has Had on My Living
My Early-Stage Dementia journey has been full of unexpected paths and turns. One of the most unexpected and most meaningful activities that resulted
from my Early-Stage Dementia was Creating My Tombstone.
Creating My Tombstone wasn't a thought that came to my mind, it was a feeling that came to my guts. It didn't make any sense to me -- I had decided that I would be cremated and my ashes would be scattered in a grove of olive trees. I wouldn't even have a place to put a tombstone. So I waited for clarification from my guts about Creating My Tombstone.
It turned out that this "waiting for clarification" was what Creating My Tombstone was about. Questions kept coming up -- What is the purpose of my tombstone? What would my tombstone look like, what would it be? What do I want my tombstone to express?
Over the several weeks in which I was Creating My Tombstone the feelings
and thoughts flowed quite openly -- feelings and thoughts about my recent and distant past, things I had done and what I felt about them, people, events, things inside and outside, what stuck out as being especially meaningful for me. My tombstone was to put all of this together to briefly say: what did I bring into the world?
With time this did come together, and the more it came together the more comfortable and complete I felt with it. My tombstone would express what I feel I brought into the world, and the form of my tombstone would support its meaning.
Creating My Tombstone is different for every person, and the process is an important part of the result. Here is what my tombstone expresses about me in the world:
to feel situations Í'm in, and to bring my energies to make the situations richer for the people they touch
This is what I consider the essence of what I’ve brought to the world, and the
mark that I want to leave in the world. This is what I want my tombstone to
express.
And what is my tombstone? The result of this process is that I have an audio
tombstone. One of the situations in which I carried out the act described on
my tombstone happened in the waiting room at the hospital, where I was
waiting for the MRI that would lead to my Early-Stage Dementia diagnosis.
In summary, three of us strangers were in the hospital waiting room, me in my
blue gown and two women in their blue gowns. I said a few words -- I
brought my energies to the situation -- that triggered an intense connection
between the three of us. This interaction was so exceptional that one of the
women told a radio broadcaster about it, and the broadcaster did a 1:43
minute story on the interaction. This 1:43 minute description is my audio
tombstone. A recording of the broadcast is on the Israel radio website. My name is not mentioned on my tombstone, just what I brought to the world.
Just as it was unexpected that I would go through the process of Creating My
Tombstone, so it was also unexpected to have the result that came out of the
process. I had defined for myself what I bring to the world and the mark that I want to leave in the world. That was not just an idea, it was the most authentic feeling of myself that I could create. As I realized this, my tombstone became a lighthouse, a beacon for how I should live my life. My tombstone is continually with me and guides me in the decisions and actions I take as I lead my life. It is the mark that I want my life to leave in the world, and the way to do that is to lead my life that way.
Creating My Tombstone -- I didn’t imagine that this symbol of dying would have such a strong and meaningful impact on my living.